Ode to My Lifetime Achievements At This Particular Point in Time Through the Dubious Media of Vogon Poetry - by Arthur Dent
I like hitch-hiking round the galaxy
So I thought I’d write some poetry
Vogon in nature, I hope you I’ll agree
Or I’ll grubble your fruncheons and cut down your tree.
I said before, that I like to travel
I don’t, but I prefer it to gravel.
I like to hit crabs on the head with a gavel
Shouting “Resistance is useless!” as their brains do unravel.
I’m not a Vogon, I’m really a man
A man not a girl like Trillian
She’s a girl I met in Islington
At a party where she left with a two headed man.
Then those wretched Vogon’s destroyed my home
And ever since I’ve been forced to roam.
And roam I do, though not to Rome
Cos Rome’s not there any more.
You’re getting bored so I’ll write faster
So far it’s borderline disaster
I’m desperate for a gargle blaster
Although they hurt the morning after
Last time it got me really pished
I tripped and lost my babel fish
Tout en parlent avec Eccentrica Gallumbits
I was seeing quintuple, that’s fifteen tits!
Marvin doubts that story’s true
So flumbly grumbles and slimbly poo
I hope you’ve got your towel with you
Go enjoy your life and it’s forty two.
Copyright © Matty Millard 2012